Sometimes, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles feels he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his grandiose moments can become “really delusional”, he explains. “You are on cloud nine and you’re like, ‘The world will recognize that I surpass everyone else … I’ll do great things for the world’.”
For Spring, these times of heightened ego are usually coming after a “sudden low”, a period when he feels overwhelmed and self-conscious about his actions, making him highly sensitive to negative feedback from external sources. He began to think he might have this personality condition after researching his symptoms online – and subsequently confirmed by a specialist. Yet, he questions he would have agreed with the assessment if he hadn’t previously arrived at that conclusion personally. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have NPD, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – particularly if they harbor beliefs of dominance. They operate in an altered state that they’ve built up. And within that framework, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”
While people have been called narcissists for more than a century, it’s not always clear what people refer to as the label. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” explains a psychology professor, noting the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a professional assessment, he believes many people hide it, as there is significant negative perception associated with the disorder. A narcissist will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to bolster one’s self-esteem through behaviors including seeking admiration,” the professor clarifies. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.
I never truly valued about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously
While three-quarters of people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder are men, research suggests this statistic does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that narcissism in women is typically appears in the less obvious variety, which is under-identified. “Men’s narcissism tends to be more socially permissible, as with everything in society,” notes a 23-year-old who discusses her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on social media. It’s fairly common, the two disorders are comorbid.
It’s hard for me with handling criticism and not being accepted,” she explains, whenever it’s suggested that the issue lies with me, I often enter self-protection or I become unresponsive.” Even with this response – which is sometimes referred to as “narcissistic injury”, she has been attempting to address it and take advice from her loved ones, as she doesn’t want to slip into the harmful behaviour of her previous life. I used to be manipulative to my partners during adolescence,” she admits. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she explains she and her partner “have a dynamic where we’ve agreed, ‘If I say something messed up, when I use toxic language, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”
Her upbringing mostly in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of healthy examples as a child. “I’ve been learning over the years the difference between and is not appropriate to say when arguing because I never had that as a kid,” she shares. Every insult was fair game when my household were belittling me during my childhood.”
Personality disorders tend to be linked to early life adversity. Heredity is a factor,” says a mental health specialist. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “connected with that individual’s particular early environment”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to cope in formative years”, he continues, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was based on meeting specific standards. They then “persist in applying those identical strategies as adults”.
In common with many of the individuals with NPD, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The 38-year-old shares when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve academic success and career success, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “acceptable.
As he grew older, none of his relationships were successful. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he says. As a result, relationships weren’t relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of forming deep connections, until he met his current partner of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, similar to his experience, finds it hard to manage mood stability. She is “very supportive of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he notes – it was in fact, her who initially thought he might have NPD.
Subsequent to a consultation to his general practitioner, he was directed to a therapist for an diagnosis and was informed of his condition. He has been recommended for talking therapy through national services (ongoing counseling is the main intervention that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the treatment delay for a year and a half: The estimate was it is likely to occur in a few months.”
Disclosure was limited to a few individuals about his condition, because “prejudice is common that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, in his own mind, he has accepted it. This understanding allows me to comprehend my actions, which is beneficial,” he says. Each individual have acknowledged their condition and are looking for support for it – which is why they agree to talk about it – which is likely not typical of all people with the diagnosis. But the presence of individuals sharing their stories and the rise of digital groups point to {more narcissists|a growing number
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